Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Meet Manny Stiles - Tampa Bay Devil Rays Fan!!!

Original Post HERE.

by user Manny Stiles

"I know I'm crazy so therefore I must not be insane" - an unidentified voice inside my head once said.

An insane "fanatic", an irrationally hopeful being with eyes set on pennant flagged trophies with dreams of March's prayers answered by October, desparately unbending from realizing the dream...to watch MY team take home the crown, to win it all. 'Insane', 'Irrational' and Desparate'? Yeah, I can be that! Easily! How do I sign up?

I was gonna swear them off after Steve Irwin's death, but I'm a Devil Rays fan!I told you it was coming…kinda. Even **hinted** at it again… I warmed you up to the idea that Manny Stiles could be a charitable fellow…

I knew this was how this had to happen. I wasn't becoming a fan without some illogical persuasion. I couldn't just 'pick' a team. I almost became a Colorado Rockies fan just because if you spell Saint Louis correctly, 4 of the 5 teams that never appeared in a World Series are 4 of the last 5 teams when listed alphabetically (and only if you spell Saint Louis correctly). Colorado was the "other" team. I wanted the Rockies to win a World Series and the Toronto Blue Jays to move to a town alphabetically prior to Seattle (Portland or Las Vegas perhaps?) so then… bwaa haaa haaaah!!! I could have the perfectly trivial trivia question:

"In alphabetical order, list the 4 teams to never win the world series. Again, in alphabetical order!"
(again; this assumes Colorado won a World Series, okay... I'll wait for you to compose yourself again.... and then imagine Toronto moved to Albuquerque to be called the Isotopes, of course - sidebar alert! sidebar alert! Simpsons movie coming this Summer!!)

Seattle Mariners, Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Texas Rangers and Washington Nationals. That would be the answer, the last four teams alphabetically are 4 of the last five to GO to a World Series.

There was a bid from a Seattle radio show host who tried to pool his listeners to have me follow the Mariners that fell short. Manny was on a radio station in Montreal in which the Montreal native host stated emphatically that the "Washington Nationals are dead to me". The deadspin.com article thrust the Devil Rays into it, hell even I mentioned the Devil Rays in the ebay auction (maybe I already was on my way to Devil Ray fanship!).

So naturally, I thought a Texas Rangers bid would come out of nowhere for sure. And where was the logical Diamondback buzz around my local valley? Barely a peep! (Maybe they know me too well already?) Maybe they don't have a clue!

It's just a Manny Stiles stunt show! Or is it more?

Manny Stiles likes when new teams mess it up... (“it”, being tradition). "GO!!!! new teams!!!" is a staple in the Manny Stiles realm.

No, we can't live in a world where franchises relocate to make some whackjob's trivia dreams come true (Psst... San Francisco Giants... you wanna move to Pittsburgh for me?)... dammit

So instead we live in a logical realm where ebay can serve as a human paradox ‘’or’’ a loudspeaker; where we can take ideas and make like hammers with them, building and constructing fantastic realities OR we can take ideas and make like hammers and bash ourselves in the friggin' heads (can I say "friggin'" on this station?). Devil Rays? Oh, what have I done?

So you know the story, I sold my soul to the Devil Rays for charity. The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, or www.pedaids.org all over my oldest brother. Well, my second oldest brother lives in Tampa, Florida and has actually been to a few Devil Rays games, so he'll be my insider from the local angle. Although, he is a Yankees fan. (But he doesn't have/use a computer so I can say all kinds of bad stuff about him and tell him it's good) And my other brother that wants nothing to do with ANY of this is a Toronto Blue Jays fan. Anyone have an Orioles fan I can taunt and harass?

I haven't really been contacted by the auction winner, not really sure who won, nor have I really contacted them to review the terms. I am writing 50 (fifty) articles about the team of highest bid (this one not included) and I haven't decided on the name for the blog. I'm leaning to "Cosmic Rays" or "Unrealistically Hopeful Devil Rays Fanblog".

If it is indeed the Tampa Bay Devil Rays I have to fanaticize and cover (thanks, deadspin.com for putting ideas into people's heads...) I welcome the opportunity!

Hell, 50 articles about the Devil Rays is one per victory, right?

Not anymore, you sons a...! The Devil Rays have a real fan now! Manny Stiles will unleash the journalistic fury upon the impending 2007 AL East Champion Tampa Bay Dev… screw it. I can’t do it….

It’s just not right…I mean AL East winners… ahhh... who would fall for that crap?

2007 AL Champion Tampa Bay Devil Rays!!!
You heard it here first! If you don’t think a team that’s only once topped 69 wins in a season can’t win their way to become the...

2007 World Series Champion Tampa Bay Devil Rays!!!
Wait, wait… let me get a grip. (Inhales deeply)

75 Wins HERE WE COME!!! One step at a time. In early August when they wrap the 75th win up, then we'll get to talking bigger, better, more!

You've heard the jokes, you've told the jokes, I'm gonna tell you more, I'm sure. It'd HAVE to be for charity to be a Devil Rays fan, right? But this is NOT the Los Angeles Clippers, the most pathetic sub-franchise in the history of sports (as I learned earlier this month firsthand); this is not a sad sack, talentless bag of Major League pus. This is not a AAAA baseball team, this is the team with Manny Stiles as the #2 fan (the #1 fan would be the winning bidder of course)!!!

Join Manny Stiles on "the Journey".

This is TRUE fanship, I'm not faking my "Yeah"s and "Woo"s! And I don't "Boo!". I think booing your favorite team is akin to calling your girlfriend ugly. That's just how I roll.

ArmchairGM.com (in a really cool radio voice “All Sports, All You”) users are already sick of my isht and shenanigans, but I promise to make Devil Ray fanship fun for them too! Yankees fans AND Red Sox fans will fear the sting of the #2 Ray fan. Run and hide O’s fans, and Blue Jays fans… I would rip on you too, but why?

That’s right! Get all the AL East angles you can’t handle!!!

The characters
Meet Manny Stiles, a.k.a. "Dr Commento", perfect to be a Devil Rays fan. -

"Blah, blah, blah... all I ever do is yap, yap, yap. I love me talk about myself blah blah blah" - any surmised version of any Manny Stiles quote.
Meet Manny’s unnamed brother, a.k.a. “Unnamed Source”, Tampa resident/inside informer/Yankee fan –

“They need pitching. All they have is Kazmir.” Unnamed Source said. “What about Micelli?” Stiles retorted. “You heard me.” Said Unnamed Source.
Meet Jamie Strange, Manny’s friend/Philly Attitude Adjustment/Throwback Jersey Specialist –

“Jamie, if you could have any Tampa Bay Devil Ray throwback jersey, which would it be?” Manny asked.
Jamie paused a moment “They didn’t have nobody” he finally responded apathetically.
Meet Sports Shaman, Manny’s friend/spirit guide/metaphysician –

“’Devil’ ‘Rays’ induce visions of cosmic flow and beams of positive/negative energy flow. A new begining.” stated Sports Shaman.
Meet Mrs. Stiles, Manny’s lifelove/wife/putterupwithmeer –

“I don’t want anything to do with this. Good night.”
Meet The Players,

the guys playing for the name on the front, not the name on the back.
Meet the inhabitants of my aquarium

as I name each of my baby cichlids after Devil Rays players, because they’re fish (like a ray), by the All-Star break you'll know MORE about the Devil Rays players than you do about my fish (you know about the same now, don't lie) and because that’s how crazy a fan I am.
Watch as I make an all-time list of Ray’s, such as my father-in-law, Ray… who calls me “Media Whore”, whether we review great Rachel Ray recipes for pregame feasts or we relive the magic that mere mortals call Ray Walston... it will be Rays galore!

Martha Ray

Ray Charles


Ray Guy

Michael Ray Richardson

Johnny Ray

Ray Chapman, rest his knotted head.

50 articles of non-sensical eratica. Stories, interviews, fictional mellodrama, non-hurtful rumors, rumors of puppet shows, soothsaying, rabblerousing, poetry (yes, I said poetry), all-time lists (people love blogger's lists, right? The metrics show that the target groups love 'em!) and you can bet your sweet ass there'll be anagrams galore!

We'll study the enchanted, encompassing history of the franchise, it's plethora of top notch players, it's AL East Divisional dominance, it's World-Class sporting arena, what could have beens and what should never bes, and see something new about the TBDRs all the time, for sure!

Here I am, I am proud to say that (as long as the transaction flows through as expected and assumed, without a hitch delays or unneccessary legalities)

I am proud to exhibit the fan box!

I am a Tampa Bay Devil Rays Fan!

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