Friday, March 9, 2007

101 Reasons the Devil Rays could Win the World Series ("This Year" Edition)

by user Manny Stiles

The market data shows that people who read blogs are the same people who enjoy reading lists. So, ever one to be market data compatible Manny Stiles presents

101 Reasons the Tampa Bay Devil Rays could Win the World Series ("This Year" edition)...

Let's just say I'm an unrealistical unrelentingly hopeful Rays fan!

ManRay is always cooking something up...Tonight it was a batch of WTF

1. The Yankees (thank God I didn't have to write about them) and Red Sox (I got REALLY lucky I don't have to write about them) are both due to fall apart in the same season.

2. Are you really afraid of the Orioles? (thank God an Orioles fan didn't win the bid, although I'm surprised one of them didn't drive the price up unneccessarily)

3. Have you seen the ridiculous amount of young talent here?

4. A championship trophy would look sweet next to the St Pete's Times' Pulitzer Prize they'll get.

5. The Red Sox suck where the Yankees suck at sucking too suckily.

6. Easy to remember words: Blog Intimidation.

7. Two words: Chuck Norris!

8. On occasion, talent outperforms it's "projected potential"

9. Ten years of bad attitude concretization down the drain.

10. Everything comes together at just the right time for all the right reasons (to prove me right)

11. A group of Devil Rays fans win the biggest lottery ever (at 3.2 billion, it just kept going and go with it) and they build a better bridge between St Pete and Tampa and ALSO paid a guy to fall on Jeter's knee at the ESPYs

12. Ever heard of a "conspiracy"?

13. The baseball gods love lore. Like Game 7 catwalk incidents. Except it only works in theory. Everyone knows Devil Rays would never let a Series go seven games.

14. Fans finally realize that the stadium isn't that bad. It's quirky, yes. But is it bad? No. Everyone suddenly realizes that it IS 90 feet to first base and anywhere that happens, the Rays win. (until the basepaths are shrunk for marketing reasons, then the Rays win more)

15. New rule: Devil Rays get one - two - three - four strikes you're out. (And four outs an inning too)

16. As sad as a trade would make me, a good trade would go a loooong way in the right situation.

17. I'll learn to dabble a little in mass mind control. The American League is a great sample size for hypnotism. This post and it's feeble attempt at humor is making you sleepy...

18. Someone finally wikies up Matt Silverman's wikipedia bio

19. A wizard did it

20. Team Presidents that win bloggers in charity auctions have never NOT won a World Series in that same season!

21. Hulk Hogan learns how stay back on a breaking ball. (and pass a steroid test)

22. Think - every Disney movie about baseball rolled into one!

23. Tom Brady falls onto Derek Jeter's knee at the ESPYs while Calvin Murphy and Alex Rodriguez both get double hernias from laughing. All miss the rest of their season (Murphy, too)

24. Two words and three letters: Carl Crawford M.V.P.

25. This is the first year since 1999 that more than one Devil Ray graces the All-Star game with their presence.

26. Crates of radioactive vegetables wash ashore. (Ever seen Gilligan's Island?)

27. Tampa Bay Devil Rays: First in charity bloggers, first in the AL East.

28. As owner Stu Sternberg rightfully predicted, the Rays WILL win 50 games at home this season (except they screw it up and do it before August ends).

29. Because raising awareness to Fred McGriff's legend is a good thing.

30. A hole is torn into the time-space continuum when pseudo-celebrity blogger Manny Stiles interviews a reporter trying to interview him about his blogging..

31.Because you didn't think of it first.

32. There's a whole staff of pitchers waiting to surprise your so-called intellect.

33. Two words: Scott Kazmir, AL CY Young winner.

34. OK, I can't count words well, I count wins: Scott Kazmir, 20+ wins! (obviously more wins in the playoffs as well)

35. I didn't keep all of this eye of newt and dried leprechaun brains for nothing

36. Because I'm watching Rocky IV on TV right now!

37. Because the baseball gods already had their fun with the St Louis Browns.

38. Switch opponent's greenies for sleeping pills (also leave the lid of the salt shaker very, very loose)

39. A good baseball team in September makes you forget how crappy the Buccaneers are, eh?

40. You didn't think they could, but they sure do find a cure for death. They take Ted Williams' frozen parts, bring him back to life and reattach his head. Then we dig up Babe Ruth and revive him too. Come to find out they both wanted to don a Devil Rays uni all along. Ted DHs at a .409 clip and drives in 145, while Babe throws 3 no-hitters, beats Kobiyashi on July 4th at Nathan's on Coney Island, while winning 25 games on the mound and comes second in Cy Young voting to Scott Kazmir (with THIS outfield, we don't need dead Ruth to hit!)

41. Same scenario as above, but we didn't find a cure to death, Williams and Ruth are just zombies who feast on and gain power from the immense brains of smartypants front office personnel.

42. Because baseball games are played on FieldTurf II, not excel spreadsheets.

43. Because October in Florida, winning and baseball all jammed together isn't such a bad idea.

44. Because the last nine years were just a set up. Ha-ha! Got you right where we want you, suckers!!!

45. You can't win 5 World Series' in the next five years if you don't win the first one this year.

46. Because things that make the masses shrug their shoulders and say "go figure" need to happen more anyway.

47. Because after my Phoenix Suns win the Larry O'Brien, I'm gonna need the rush of sweet victory for my beloved franchises to keep rollin'...

48. Roger Clemens signs with the Red Sox but never plays a game because he gets injured walking into the clubhouse at the same time as Curt Schilling tries to leave. Their immense heads get stuck in the doorway and Fenway Park has to be disassembled. ('bout time! Yeah I said it). Schilling's blog gets offended and applies for free agency..

49.What? Say what, say what? Anything can happen.

50. Money in a big sack with a "$" on it shows up for the umpiring crew before every series

51. Fifty Devil Rays posts is a "starting point", Post Season game coverage is free.

52 Because the champagne hangover always hurts worse but feels better than the hangover caused by drinking my bullpen woes away, which lasts forever!

53. We go undefeated in domes in 2007, 'Nuff said.

54. Bottle in a brown sack with a "XXX" on it shows up for the umpiring crew before every inning

55. Weirder things have happened.

56. Bugs Bunny signed as a free agent to play all 9 positions. If that fails, scientific evidence proves that rabbit feet are lucky (How does Nike not have a deal done with Warner Brothers already?)

57. Roofies in the opponent's Gatorade always worked well for me.

58. Turns out that You were wrong.

59. Just to catch Vegas off-guard

60. If the name is changing, let's "Win one for the Devil"

61. The odds are better than winning the lottery (and people do that all the time)

62. A whole bunch of guys turn the corner all at the same time.

63. Two words: Hanging Chads

64. Two more words: Hanging Curve Balls (They have 'em and we don't)

65. Lots and lots of new legislature regarding baseball games passed REALLY quickly.

66. Didn't you hear? There's 13 Wild Cards in the American League this year (Yes, I said 13. You gotta make SURE)

67. Anything the Tampa Bay Buccaneers can do, we can do better!

68. Anything the Tampa Bay Lightning can do, we can do better! (and not cause the game to stop playing for over a year to recover)

69. The world needs more signs that it is truly indeed the end times.

70. Every time they hear the words "Go Devil Rays!" they actually go!

71. All games at the Trop declared forfeit victory for home team (Rays go 78-3 in home games, losing only to the Rangers in May)

72. "Because I said so!" (I am a Daddy afterall)

73. Basepaths shortened to accomodate SpiderMan 3 the Movie advertising on basepaths. Carl Crawford proceeds to steal over 300 bases, passes Go! and collects $200 each time!.

74. Maybe every Official Scorer will *wink, wink* forget to keep score for Rays opponents.

75. Voodoo. Jobu takes the bait, Rays reap the rings. It's just that easy.

76. George Steinbrenner's senility gets the best of him when he trades the only good players he has to the Devil Rays because he "spends an awful lot of time in Florida anyway..."

77. I have an idea for a book if they win it all. Hopefully it won't contain many lists as crappy as this one.

78. The better question is: What did I do with those 'other' two wishes that Genie gave me?

79. "Worst to First" has happened before several times. 71 wins is nice to make a franchise record, .500 is intriguing, but why stop there?

80. The Orioles, Blue Jays, Red Sox and Yankees (who all suck) are just good enough to beat each other equally as bad because they (all suck in general and) suck at beating any of the other sucky teams.

81. B.J. Upton finally gets a chance to just "play" baseball.

82. Ever heard of "bribes"?

83. Lots of post-concussion syndrome where it matters most.

84. Then we could chant "1983", "1993", "Year 2000" AND "2004" to division foes like the smarmy champs we will be

85. World Series winner decided by a game of basketball.

86. It would really screw things up for conventional thought.

87. Come on,,if the "Idiot" Red Sox can do it, ANYONE can!

88. After this season Delmon Young will be known best for how he handles a bat. And second best for being my #1 favorite Devil Ray to root for.

89. Fixing scores suddenly en vogue again. The old black is the new black again.
90. Joe Maddon: Manager of the Year (and his lucky underwear that he never washed - beats a bloody sock, eh?))

91. Because the Devil Rays have the best, most gracious, realistic fans in baseball (see? I ruin everything!), not a bunch of fluff loving barely-keeper-up-with-ers, but REAL baseball fans (at least the Devil Rays fans I've met are so far).

92. There's always prayers to be said, witchcraft to be practiced (Practice? Practice), letters to Santa to be written, wishing wells to have rare coin collections tossed into them, worry beads to be rubbed, goats to be sacrificed, 4 leaf clovers to be discovered, sidewalk cracks to be avoided, good to be lucked, effagies of Derek Jeter to be made, prodded and possibly burned.... all KINDS of stuff!

93. There's no way you can convince me that they were REALLY that bad last year. (I'm serious on this one)

94. Is the A.L. really that stacked? Come on... really?

95. Plain, old "Shit luck" as opposed to the standard "Shitty Luck"

96. Two words: Health

97. All non-Devil Ray players get suspended for weapons of mass construction, I mean performance enhancement drugs.

98. We're not the Cubs, remember? (Hey, Lou!)

99. St. Louis Cardinals proved last year that you don't need 100+ wins to win the World Series.

100. Did I mention the likelihood of magic? Over the course of 162 games, that starts to add up!

101. if the Rays truly believe that they will win, and they play their best and let all the cliches cliche themselves, nothing will stop them..

There you have it. 101 of the manny more reasons why the Devil Rays really could win the World Series this year. Hey, some team has to!

No comments: